Life from Here to There

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10 Things I Never Thought I’d Say to My Kids

Parenthood is amazing. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. There are plenty of things I did not know before having my kids, such as how to change a diaper, one-handed, in the dark, while navigating around toys strewn across the floor like feet landmines. One thing I certainly did not know is how often Alyson and I say things to our kids that we honestly never thought we would say to another human being.

Below are just 10 things that we have said to our kids that we never thought we’d say:

  1. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Do not lick the bottom of your shoe!”
  2. “Please take the golf club out of your mouth.”
  3. “Don’t put the straw in your eye.”
  4. “How did you get on the couch? You can’t use the dog as a stepstool to get on the couch.”
  5. “NO!! Don’t suck on the washcloth!”
  6. “Where are you going? You can’t leave the bathroom with your underwear down.”
  7. “Don’t kiss the dog on the eye.”
  8. “STOP! Don’t bite the pole!” (while standing in line at Disney World)
  9. “Ewww! Don’t kiss the bottom of mommy’s feet!”
  10. Me: “Look! That looks like a private jet.”
    Response: “Ewwww. That’s a private jet like my private area.”
    Me: “No. Completely different things.”

So what are some things that you have said to your kids or to any kids you know that you never thought you would? Sound off in the comments below, on Facebook, or Twitter!


This is a track off our family’s favorite comedian Brian Regan‘s album All By Myself. The track fits perfectly with this post, and if I’m completely transparent, a little bit of the inspiration for this post. Do yourself a favor and laugh today 🙂

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